I can't believe it's not butter!
by Tamara
Summary: ***COMPLETED**** THAT'S RIGHT!!! FINAL CHAPTER UPLOADED!!! YOU CAN'T MISS THIS!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! R
1. The nightmare starts

I can't believe it's not butter!!!

Note to the reader: This is my first Fushigi Yuugi fic…and for those who don't know… "I can't believe it's not butter" is an actual margarine product sold in the U.S. advertised by a long-haired blond guy with an accent. (hence the Nakago will be playing this role).

Disclaimer: I do not own all rights to Fushigi Yuugi or any of it's characters and I don't own "I can't believe it's not butter" but I wish I did.

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I, Tamara, got the idea for this fic when my best friend Jali, accompanied me to Stowe, Vermont. We were eating corn when we wanted some butter to aid in its flavouring. So my grandma placed "I can't believe it's not butter" on the table…since we were Canadian…such a product did not exist in our country yet due to American programming, we have seen the advertisements for the product. During the time, we were speaking about Fushigi Yuugi, the third best anime in the world, (first being Angel Sanctuary and second being Tenkuu no Escalfowne) when I mentioned that the guy from the "I can't believe it's not butter" commercial looked like Nakago and due to our crazy minds we came up with such a fic. In other words…give Jali some credit…she helped…

P.S. There are MANY MANY MANY short chapters to this fic.

P.P.S. There is some of Miaka bashing.

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Chapter 1

It was any ordinary day in old China. Well…there isn't really any ordinary days in this particular old China now is there. *cough cough*. The sun was rising in the early morning over emperor Hotohori's palace. Nuriko…the most insane one of all, was the first up. She/he…I'll just call it a she… wanted some toast for breakfast. She placed two pieces of bread into the toaster…(did they even have toasters back then?) She reached into the fridge (they did even have fridges back then too?) to get some butter but she was unpleasantly surprised by what truly lied within the fridge…it was none other then Nakago.

Nuriko: Holy shit!!! What the fuck are you doing in my fridge!!!

Nakago: Good morning fair lady…uh…man…uh…whatever exactly you are..*cough cough* You weren't by chance reaching into your fridge for some butter now were you?

Nuriko: Get off my property!!!

Nakago: Why have butter when you can have some "I can't believe it's not butter". It tastes just like the real thing except it isn't made with animal fat and has a lot less cholesterol.

Nuriko: Get the hell out!!!

Nakago: *climbs out of his uncomfortable position in the fridge* Much better…come on now Nuriko…it costs only $1.49 for a 907g container.

Nuriko: I SAID OUT!!!!

And with Nuriko's super human strength, she lifted Nakago into the air and threw him out the window all the way back to wherever the hell he came from. 

Chapter 2…

The next day…

Nuriko was taking her dog for a walk when she tripped over something in the middle of the road.

Nuriko: *lands flat on her face* What the fuck was that!!! *Gets up and sees Nakago lying on the sidewalk* What exactly are you doing??? Trying to get yourself killed!!!

Nakago: *leaps to his feet* Ah! Isn't it a beautiful day! It just gets you in the mood for some "I can't believe it's not butter!" ne?

Nuriko: What are you doing..stalking me???!!!???

Nakago: Why, actually I am…how did you know?

Nuriko: Dear God…HELP ME!!! Look Nakago, I'm busy… please get out of my way.

Nakago: Miaka can wait…that pup has a bladder made of steel. Come on…just try some!

Nuriko: NO!

Nakago: Please…Will you eat with a mouse…or even on a house.

Nuriko: Get out of my way if you know what is good for you!

Nakago: Will you eat it near a lake…or with some corn flakes???

Nuriko: Move it or lose it!

Nakago: How about with a pony…or maybe with Hotohori???

Nuriko: *starts fantasizing* Mmmmm…Hotohori…

Nakago: *raises an eyebrow* Right…and you thought I had problems.

Jali: No…Tamara has problems…You, Nakago, have issues.

Tamara: HEY! Allen has issues, not Nakago!

Jali: *rolls eyes* Whatever…

Tamara: OY!

Jali: Tammy, will you ever say anything other than "Oy!"

Tamara: Nope! *grins evilly*

Jali: Oy!

Tamara: *ahem* Back to ficcie…*cough cough*

Nuriko: *rolls eyes and throws Nakago into the lake and continues walking*

Chapter 3…

The next day…

Nuriko was taking a bath when…

Nakago: *pops out of the bath* Hey, Nuriko! Isn't this just one of those times when you wished you had some, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Nuriko: AHHHHHH! HENTAI!!!! GET THE HELL OUT!!!! I'M NAKED!!!

Nakago: Oh please…we all have the same body parts…

Nuriko: *looks down and realizes Nakago is right* *pikus* That's not the point! How did you get in here anyway?

Nakago: What matters now is that, "I can't believe it's not butter!" has a NEW product… "I can't believe it's not peanutbutter!"

Nuriko: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!

Nakago: Not until you have some, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Nuriko: OUT!

Nakago: Would you eat it on the floor… or siting on a door?

Nuriko: NO!

Nakago: How about on a mat… made from my sister's cat?

Nuriko: EW! GET OUT!

Nakago: Not even on a log…or with a slimy frog?

Nuriko: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Nakago: COME ON! It comes in spray can form?

Nuriko: IF YOU DON'T LEAVE WITHIN THE NEXT 5 SECONDS I WILL HONESTLY KILL YOU!

Nakago: OH! I know! How about you try, "I can't believe it's not butter…LIGHT!" It has 45% less fat than the original…I think you should try it…especially since you've packed on a few pounds…

Nuriko: WHAT!!!!!!!???!!!!!??? That does it! *picks up Nakago with her super strength…I mean his super strength…(whatever)…and throws him out the window back to old China*

The end…for now…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Hehe…I hoped you liked that…That was the first 3 chapters…there are MANY more to come soon. Please review! Jaa!


	2. The nightmare continues...

I can't believe it's not butter!

Moshi Moshi!!! It's back!!! More chapters to Nuriko's worst nightmare…Now fat free! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! This is what happens when you don't give Nakago his medication! *pikus* Can't say I didn't warn you! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned below and I do not own "I can't believe it's not butter" and their products. For more information about this delicious margarine product…feel free to visit the official website at www.icantbelieveitsnotbutter.com …you won't be disappointed!

Note: Some bashing here and there…no flamers please!

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Chapter 4…

On a snowy winter day…Nuriko decided to make a snowman. She was looking forward to it since Hotohori promised he'd help *wink wink* but he was already an hour late so she decided to start without him…A half an hour later…Hotohori STILL hadn't shown up, (poor Nuriko) and Nuriko was practically finished. All she needed was a hat to put on top of the snowman's head. She then went back inside Hotohori's palace to find a suitable hat. When she came back outside with an adorable top-hat, she froze with shock when she saw IT! Right on top of the snowman's head was a container…not just any container…a container of "I can't believe it's not butter!"

  
Nuriko: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!

Some voice: You look like you can use some butter!

Nuriko: *looks scared* WHO SAID THAT!

Some voice: Why have real butter when you can have some "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Nuriko: The voice is coming from…from…the snowman?

Snowman: That's right! *snowman explodes and standing there covered in snow is none other than…*

Nuriko: AHHHH! It's NAKAGO!

Nakago: Who were you expecting? Hotohori?

Nuriko: Actually…I was! Have you seen him?

Nakago: Who cares! You look hungry! How about some pancakes! But not just any pancakes…I'll make you pancakes with some, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Nuriko: I DON'T WANT PANCAKES AND I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID BUTTER!!! STOP STALKING ME!

Nakago: But you won't even give it a try!

Nuriko: Tough shit! Go away!

Nakago: Not until I introduce you to a new product!

Nuriko: I couldn't care less!

Nakago: "I can't believe it's not butter!" has created a cream calcium product, combining the flavorful taste of real sweet cream with the calcium you need.

Nuriko: FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T NEED CALCIUM! MY BONES ARE INVINCIBLE! SECOND OF ALL, I DON'T EVEN LIKE SWEET CREAM UNLESS IT IS ON TOP OF HOTOHORI…WHICH IT ISN'T! NOW GO AWAY BEFORE I DO SOMETHING CRAZY!

Nakago: What can be more crazier than a homo-chan like you, dressing up as a woman in love with another man who looks like a woman? HUH?

Nuriko:……….*long pause*………..FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU! *starts attacking Hotohori with a million snowballs*

Nakago: AH! *gets hit in the face* YOU SPYCHO! *gets hit in the arm* OUCH! *gets hit in the ass* AHHH! *runs away*

Nuriko: He'll never learn…

Tamara: GO NURIKO!

Jali: Hopeless…

Chapter 5…

It's the crack of dawn and Nuriko is slowly waking up. Her eyes, extremely heavy, slowly open as she tosses around in bed…

Nuriko: AHHHHHHHHH!

Nakago: *under the covers, lying right next to her…* Good morning! Are you still up for those pancakes?

Nuriko: NO! How long were you in my bed?

Nakago: *evil grin* Long enough to hear you mutter, "Mmmm…Hotohori" in your sleep!

Nuriko: *wide eyes…turns red* I DID NOT!

Nakago: Yes you did…you stud muffin! *wink wink*

Nuriko: *slaps Nakago across the face* GET AWAY FROM ME!

Nakgo: Not until you try another new product! "I can't believe it's not butter!" has just came out with a sqeezable product! It's squeezably delicious! You should try it on steamed vegetables, or a stack of pancakes…don't you want some pancakes?

Nuriko: First of all, I don't like pancakes…second of all, squeezable butter sounds pretty childish to me…and I aint a kid and I got no kids…SO FUCK OFF!

Nakago: No kids, eh? Well…you better get working on that ne? *nudge nudge…wink wink*

Nuriko: *glares*

Nakago: Come on! How could you resist "I can't believe it's not butter!" It's the rich, creamy taste you love…great for baking, cooking or for spreading on your favorite foods! Oh…and by the way…I love your pajamas!

Nuriko: *looks down at her penguins pjs (so kawaii)* They were on sale…*snaps out of it* HEY! DON'T YOU TRY TO BE MR. NICE WITH ME! GET OUT OF MY BED! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

Nakago: *gives the puppy eyes…(it's hard to imagine that freak with puppy eyes no da?)* But I just want you to try some butter…

Nuriko: AHHHHH! *throws Nakago out the window into the snow*

Tamara: Poor Nakago…*sniffle*

Jali: You actually care about that freak!?!

Tamara: No…ok…never mind then!

Jali: OY!

Chapter 6…

It was a late afternoon day…Nuriko was making some cookies for Tasuki…(he has a sweet fang…I mean sweet tooth…*pikus*)…Anyways…

Nuriko: *hears a knock at the door*…It better not be…*looks out the window* AHHH! NAKAGO! *runs around the house…I mean palace…bolting all the doors and windows*

Nakago: *still knocking…* HEY! It smells like your making something in there! It's a perfect opportunity to try the new UNSALTED "I can't believe it's not butter!" It's great for baking and it's made with sweet cream buttermilk!

Nuriko: *crouching in a corner shaking with fear* Go away…go away…go away…

Nakago: *walks into the kitchen…* AH! There you are…

Nuriko: How did you get in?

Nakago: How do you think! Through the door!  
  
Nuriko: *still looks petrified* But I bolted all the doors and windows…

Nakago: *shrugs* Well you didn't do a good job.

Nuriko: Pleae go away…leave me alone!

Nakago: Not until you try my butter!

Nuriko: I won't!…I can't!…I'm…I'm…I'm on a diet!…*looks really dishonest* Yeah…that's it…on a diet…hehe…*looks nervous*

Nakago: Really? PERFECT! Then you can try the fat free "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Nuriko: *starts to cry* Please leave me alone…go away!!! *sniffle*

Nakago: Just give a few seconds so I can tell you a little about the product! "I can't believe it's not butter!" was developed in 1979 by the JH Filbert Co. as a spread flavored with sweet cream buttermilk. Named by JH Filbert's wife who uttered those words ("I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!") upon tasting the new product, it was first introduced in food service as a 'buttery blend' and Red Lobster® was its first customer.

Nuriko: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO! STOP!!!! *holds her head in pain* MY VIRGIN EARS!!!

Nakago: *raises eyebrow* Like I'm gonna believe you're a virgin!

Nuriko: Make it stop… Make it stop… Make it stop…

Nakago:…Alright…I'm leaving…sheesh! I know when I'm not wanted! But just in case you change your mind…*leave the "I can't believe it's not butter!" products on the counter*…you'll still have these for later. *leaves*

Nuriko: *trying to hide from the "I can't believe it's not butter!"* Burn it! Kill it! Send it to hell! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

The end…or is it? MWAHAHAHAHAHA

Jali: POOR NURIKO!!! She'll be traumatized for life!

Tamara: *shrugs* Like I said…BEWARE THE BUTTER…the "I can't believe it's not butter!" MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jali: She's lost it…AGAIN!

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I hoped you enjoyed that tale of absolute horror! Hopefully more to come! Please review! Jaa!


	3. The nightmare...is a NIGHTMARE!

I can't believe it's not butter…chapter 3

Hey hey…It's back! Sorry I took so long to write the next chapters…been having some computer problems…*smacks computer with spatula* (do yourself a favour and don't ask) Anyways, on with the show!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi, ICBINB and anything else mentioned in this sick and twisted plot.

Note: Contains insults and a potty mouth of mine. I would like to say a big "thank you" to "Katrina Himeko" who gave me some what of an idea…*evil grin* (please don't get mad! I tried to get in contact with you but failed miserably!! SORRY!)

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Chapter 7…
It was another one of those days in old China…Yui was depressed, Miaka was drooling over the money obsessive psycho, Tasuki was trying to light the cat on fire, Chiriko was out-smarting Bill Gates, Chichiri was trying to go the day without saying, "no da" etc. etc. But wait! We forgot someone…NURIKO! Nuriko was working "her" ass off cleaning the house/palace. So naturally, she was going to take out the garbage that contained…wait…do you really want to know? Anyways…she walked out onto the front yard and dumped the bag into the trash-can. As she turned her back she heard a familiar "OW! MY HEAD!" as well as a, "What the hell is in here…mustard?". Nuriko turned back to the trash-can and…
Nuriko: Tamahome! That better not be you in there… again… going through my crap!!!

Voice from trash can: HEY! I'M NOT TAMAHOME!

Nuriko: *raises eyebrow* Then who the hell are you?

And of course, without hesitation, popped out…

Nakago: SURPRISE!

Nuriko: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Nakago: I bet you're in the mood for…

Nuriko: *slams trash lid on Nakago's head, shoving him back inside the can and runs away*

Nakago: OW! That really hurt! *puts a Band-Aid on* ALL BETTER! *pops back out of trash can* Hey…where did she go?

Nuriko: *bashes into Tasuki who is chasing the cat with his tessen* TASUKI! Thank God I found you! You have to help me!

Tasuki: I'M BUSY! *evil grin* Come out kitty kitty kitty!

Nuriko: *shakes Tasuki insanely* LISTEN TO ME, BAKARA! NAKAGO IS STALKING ME!

Tasuki: *shivers* NOW THAT'S WRONG! Why?

Nuriko: He wants me to eat his butter!

Tasuki: *shivers some more* NOW THAT SOUNDED F*CKING DIRTY!

Nuriko: *slaps Tasuki* HENTAI! I mean REAL butter…actually, it is fake butter…technically it's margarine…uh…ok, I'm making no sense.

Tasuki: You never make sense!

Nuriko: *glares*

Tasuki: Ok...ok…Does it have a name?

Nuriko: YES! The most vile and evil name of all!

Tasuki: IT'S CALLED MIAKA!?!

Nuriko: NO! It's called, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Tasuki: Why?

Nuriko: I don't know…maybe because when you eat it, you can't believe it's not butter!

Tasuki: OH YEAH! I heard off that stuff. I had some…It's very good! Now in spray-can form!

Nuriko: *let's go of Tasuki…scared look on face* OH NO! He got to you too!

Tasuki: No one got to me…I saw the light, my child! "I can't believe it's not butter!" is cholesterol free! Now I will die old and eat young…

Nuriko: AHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU PSYCHO! *runs away*

Tasuki: *yells after her* I'm not a psycho!! I'm healthy!!

Nakago: *running towards Tasuki* Where did she go?

Tasuki: *points* That way!

Nakago: Come on, my friend! We shall let her see the light! *runs after Nuriko with Tasuki to follow*

Somewhere else…

Nuriko: *bashes into Hotohori, who is combing his hair… as usual* YOU GOT TO HELP ME! THEY ARE TRYING NOT TO KILL ME!

Hotohori: Trying NOT to kill you? That made no sense!

Nuriko: Please! They want me to become one of them!

Hotohori: One of who? One of what? Who is chasing you?

Nuriko: Nakago and Tasuki! They…they…want me to eat their butter!

Hotohori: *raises eyebrows* I don't like the sound of that…

Nuriko: *slaps Hotohori* WHY DO ALL MEN HAVE TO THINK WITH THEIR DICK!

Hotohori: Not all men! Look at you for example…

Nuriko: SHUT UP! I'm gay! That's a whole different story! They want me to eat their butter…literally.

Hotohori: EW! I hate butter! Why have butter when you can have, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Nuriko: THEY GOT TO YOU, TOO!?!

Hotohori: Yes, my transsexual friend. I now know the pleasures of eating healthy and delicious!

Nuriko: NOOOOOOOOO! *continues running*

Nakago and Tasuki: *appears once Nuriko is out of sight* WHERE DID IT GO?

Hotohori: This way! Follow me!

A few minutes later…

Nuriko: *runs into Miaka…literally*

Miaka: Hi, homo-chan! How may I help you?

Nuriko: AHHHHHHH! *keeps on running*

Miaka: Well that was rude! I'm hungry…(as always) *pulls out some toast smothered in "I can't believe it's not butter!" and walks away*

Nuriko: *sees Chiriko* OH THANK ALL FOUR GODS! FINALLY SOMEONE WITH BRAINS!

Chiriko: *talking into his cell-phone* I don't care if he owns Windows XP®…I want him out of business! How am I suppose to take over the world when I am below that geek! Assassinate him if you must! My new technology is a hundred times more innovative! END OF DISCUSSION! *hangs up phone* So, Nuriko. What do you need?

Nuriko: *shifty eyes* They are after me! Trying to take over my mind! Beware the butter! The "I can't believe it's not butter!"!!!!!!!

Chiriko: "I can't believe it's not butter!".. That stuff is awesome! Don't you think Nakago looks like Fabio? Their names even rhyme! *giggles* I enjoy the squeeze tube one! Now I can draw smily faces all over my food! Come join us in our merriment, Nuriko! It can probably heal your perversion!

Nuriko: AHHHHHHHH!! YOUR WORST THAN THE NYAN NYANS!! GET AWAY! *runs some more*

Chiriko: *sees Tasuki, Hotohori and Nakago coming* AFTER HER!

Nuriko: *sees Chichiri up ahead* AHA! The monk would never give into a cult! CHICHIRI! HHHHEEEELLLLPPPP!

Chichiri: What can I do for you no da? *smacks himself* D'OH! I said it again no da! D'OH!…no da…

Nuriko: Tasuki, Hotohori, Chiriko and Nakago want me to join their cult of mindless advertising psychos!

Chichiri: Cults are bad no da! Ah shit…no da!

Nuriko: They are trying to get me to have their…their…*gulps…sweating nervously*

Chichiri: What is it no da? DAMMIT! I CAN'T STOP SAYING "NO DA", no da!

Nuriko: I don't want to say those forbidden words.

Chichiri: Well if you aint going to tell me, stop bitching no da!

Nuriko: *sees Tasuki, Hotohori, Chiriko and Nakago coming* AHHH! *tries running away but…*

Chichiri: *grabs Nuriko* What's the rush no da?

Nuriko: They're coming…*whimpers*

Chichiri: So what no da! They just want to take over your mind and feed you "I can't believe it's not butter!" until you no longer wish to live no da!

Nuriko: *starts crying*

Tasuki: *they arrive* Let's tie her up and force the pancakes down her throat!

Hotohori: I like the tying up part…but I say we give her toast, not pancakes!

Chiriko: Either way, I say giving her the fat-free one is most logical…she needs to get rid of that blubber!

Nakago: OPEN WIDE!

Nuriko: NNNNNNOOOOOOOO! *opens eyes and finds herself in bed* OH MY GODS! It was all a dream? *looks on the floor and sees thousands of containers of "I can't believe it's not butter!" scattered all over the room* NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Tamara: To be continued…

Nuriko: TO BE CONTINUED MY ASS! THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR! I'M SICK OF RUNNING! I AM NOT A LITTLE GIRL! I AM A GROWN WOMAN! Well…man…WHO CARES! I AM NOT AFRAID OF NAKAGO AND I AM NOT AFRAID OF "I can't believe it's not butter!"!!!!!!! IT STOPS HERE! I swear in the name of all homo-chans…I WILL GET MY REVENGE!! *evil laugh* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tamara: Uh oh…

Jali: Mr. Bunny made her do it!

Chapter 8…

Nuriko: *in the palace kitchen* I have a plan!

Tamara: What plan?

Nuriko: To show Nakago how it feels to be stalked…

Tamara: Ok…*looks nervous* Whatever you are planning…remember…this is rated PG13…

Nuriko: *rolls eyes* It's nothing illegal…don't worry!

Tamara: How can I not worry! This is YOU we are talking about!

Nuriko: *sighs* Whatever. *goes to the fridge* Do you want to see my secret weapon?

Tamara: It better not still be alive…

Nuriko: NO DAMMIT! Look! *shows Tamara something of pure evil…*

Tamara: DEAR GOD! That is just wrong! What do you plan to do with that?

Nuriko: *evil grin*

Tamara: Dear God! You monster! How could you!

Nuriko: I like to see what you would do if NAKAGO…repeat, NAKAGO was stalking you with advertisements…

Tamara: Good point…but what if something goes wrong?

Nuriko: Simple…I'll say Mr. Bunny made me do it!

Mr. Bunny: HEY! Leave me out of this!

Tamara: Well…good luck…*slowly steps away*

Meanwhile…in the palace garden…

Nakago: I need a plan! Her resistance is more powerful than I had imagined. There has to be a way to get her to eat the butter…

Tasuki: I still say we tie her to a chair and shove to pancakes down her throat!

Hotohori: You mean toast!

Tasuki: NO! PANCAKES!

Hotohori: TOAST!

Tasuki: PANCAKES!

Hotohori: TOAST!

Chichiri: SHUT THE FUCK UP no da! We need to THINK no da! 

Hotohori: Hey…aren't you a monk?

Chichiri: So, no da?

Tasuki: Aren't monks NOT suppose to swear?

Chichiri: …*long pause* SHUT THE FUCK UP no da! YOU AREN'T ALLOWED CHANGING THE SUBJECT no da! Like I said…we need to THINK no da!

Everyone: *looks at Chiriko*

Chiriko: HEY! Stop picking on the chibi! Just because I'm a million times smarter than you all, doesn't mean I'm your freaking computer!

Nakago: *rolls eyes* We need to get her where it hurts! She will have to eat sometime…if she wants to live to see the next day, that is.

Tasuki: So what do you propose?

Nakago: A SABOTAGE!

Chichiri: A sabotage no da?

Nakago: Correct! We will steal all the food she has access to, and switch it for all our "I can't believe it's not butter!" products and other foods made with it. When she is hungry…she'll have no choice but to eat the "I can't believe it's not butter!".

Chiriko: Yeah…that COULD work. But I was thinking along the lines of changing her molecular DNA patterns during the REM portion of her slumber so the next time her neurons continue the dendrite growing process, they will connect in the manner of her being completely under my…*cough cough*…I mean OUR control!

Everyone: *gives Chiriko a funny look*  
  
Tasuki: Uh…I like Nakago's idea better…

Chichiri: Same here no da.

Chiriko: *pouts* Fine! But when you realize that brain washing only truly occurs in the cerebral cortex…don't come crying to me!

Nakago: Right…let, "Operation 'I can't believe it's not butter!'" commence!

Tasuki: Give me a break! You're not seriously going to call it, "Operation 'I can't believe it's not butter!'"

Nakago: Why not!?!

Tasuki: That's the stupidest name I ever heard!

Nakago: Then what would YOU call it Mr. I know everything!

Tasuki: "Operation pyro!"

Everyone but Tasuki: *falls down anime style*

Chichiri: *pikus* Everything to you is, "Operation pyro!" no da!

Hotohori: Let's just call it, "Operation Brainwash Homo-chan!" ok?

Tasuki: *pouts*

Chiriko: *sigh* I'm working with idiots…

Chichiri: Shhhhhh…no da!

Back to Nuriko…

Nuriko: *baking something in the oven* Almost ready…*evil grin*

Tamara: It smells so good! *drools*

Nuriko: I know! No one can resist this weapon!

Tamara: I don't know…Nakago is a very capable freak of nature.

Nuriko: *glares* I said NO ONE can resist!

Tamara: *cowards* …yes Nuriko!

Nuriko: IT'S READY! *opens oven and pulls "it" out*

Tamara: I want some!

Nuriko: NO! This is my last hope! *picks up this "secret weapon" and is about to walk out the door* I'll be back…MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tamara: NOW I can say it's to be continued! MWAHAHAHAAHA!

Nuriko: *slaps Tamara* Only I can laugh evilly, BAKARA!

Tamara: *cowards some more* Sorry Nuriko!

~*~*~*~*~*~

I hope you liked that!!! PLEASE REVIEW! If you don't…I will never tell you what Nuriko is cooking!! Or worst…I'll make you eat it…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (just kidding) Still review! Jaa!


	4. Payback...I think...

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!

Moshi Moshi!!! It's back! *ahem* As you all should know by now, "I can't believe it's not butter!" can and will take over the world. (not to mention your fragile delicious brains…) Anymeow, ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of their characters. I do not own "I can't believe it's not butter!" products, but I wish I did! If you want to learn more about this non-cholesterol product, check out their website at www.icantbelieveitsnotbutter.com (yes, this REALLY is a website) "I can't believe it's not butter!" is available at a grocery store near you!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 9…

Tasuki: Now what?

Hotohori: *shrugs* Nakago's the boss!

Nakago: Like I said…we have to invade Nuriko's fridge!

Tasuki: How?

Nakago: *shrugs*

Tasuki: Well! Until your dumb ass finds a way to do that, I'm going home!

Chichiri: Nani no da?

Nakago: Whatever…

Tasuki: Jaa…*walking away*

Meanwhile…at the palace.

Nuriko: Bai bai!

Tamara: Where are you going…

Nuriko: To give Tasuki his cookies he asked for a few chapters ago…I'll be back soon.

Tamara: Ok…

Tasuki: *sees Nuriko leaving the palace* EXCELLENT! HEY HOMO-CHAN!!!! OVER HERE! *waves*

Nuriko: *evil grin* Excellent indeed!

Tasuki: *jogs over to Nuriko…trips and falls flat on his face on the way there… but makes it…* Hi! Have you changed your mind about the "I can't believe it's not butter!"?

Nuriko: NO! But…look what I brought you! *hands Tasuki the cookies*

Tasuki: SUKENA!

Nuriko: What?

Tasuki: SWEET! *starts gobbling them down*

Nuriko: Not so fast! They have to last atleast…*sees that Tasuki already finished them* OY!

Tasuki: I don't feel so good…*toppling a little*

Nuriko: GOOD! A pig that can eat three dozen cookies in seconds flat should ATLEAST have a stroke! But that's not the best part!

Tasuki: Eh?

Nuriko: FOOL! Those cookies were made with Lactantia®™ butter!

Tasuki: B…b…bbb…butter?

Nuriko: 100% pure BUTTER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tasuki: NNNNOOOOOOO! *runs around frantically* IT BURNS!!! IT BURNS! MY VIRGIN TONGUE!

Nuriko: *grumbles* Virgin my ass…

Tasuki: *suddenly collapses*

Nuriko: *stares with blank face as a little shadow demon thing escapes Tasuki's mouth*

Tasuki: *regains consciousness* What happened?

Nuriko: I'm not that sure myself…

Tasuki: This is either a serious hangover or you must have freed me from the clutches of the "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Nuriko:………I think it was the second one…………

Tasuki: Thank you, great Homo-chan!

Nuriko: *glares*

Tasuki: How did you free me?

Nuriko: I fed you butter…normal butter.

Tasuki: Excellent…I can already feel the cholesterol blocking my arteries!

Nuriko:…

Tasuki: TO THE BUS!…Or should I say chariot…

Nuriko: Why?

Tasuki: The "I can't believe it's not butter!" has taken over the fragile minds of our companions…we must save them!

Nuriko: right…*rolls eyes as she follows Tasuki to a broken down chariot – pulled by an 80-year-old Chinese dude*

Chapter 10…

Chiriko: *pouts* YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG! You must attach the green wire to the detonating one!

Nakago: *vein* I AM NOT CREATING A BOMB HERE!

Hotohori: Yeah, then what are we doing here?

Nakago: We are buying supplies.

Chichiri: Here no da?

Nakago: *pikus* Yes!

Hotohori: This place is kinda creepy…*shivers*

Nakago: DEAL WITH IT!

Chiriko: Where's the dairy section?

Nakago: *shrugs* This is my first time in a…a…super market!

Hotohori: This is why women should do the shopping…we're lost!

Nakago: SILENCE FOOL! *slaps Hotohori upside the head* We must go onward! Leave no man behind!

Chiriko: I am working with idiots! *turns right on the next aisle and…well I'll be damned! The dairy section!*

Chichiri: Ooooh! *gasp* They have chicken here no da!

Hotohori: LOOK! Toilet paper!!! EXTRA SOFT! *drools* Now my ass won't get a rash!

Nakago: I wonder if they sell swords here? 

Chiriko: *comes back with his arms full of "I can't believe it's not butter!" products* LET'S GO!

Nakago: OK! *walks out of the store*

Chiriko: BAKA! We have to pay for those things!

Hotohori: *grabs the toilet paper and follows Nakago out* Tell them to put it on my tab!

Security Guard #685: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! You haven't paid for that, sir!

Hotohori: I SAID PUT IT ON MY…*looks up and sees the security guard is 7'5" and VERY muscular*…*gulp*

Nakago: HEY! HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO! I am the great and all-powerful Nakago seishi!

Security Guard #685: *laughs* And I am the great and all-powerful Queen of the Underworld! Now tell your friend to pay for his stuff or hand it over!

Nakago: *cowers* Did you here that! He's really the Queen of the Underworld!

Chichiri: Can I have your autograph no da?

Nakago: *whispers to Hotohori* I think you should pay for that…

Hotohori: I don't have any cash on me….

Nakago: Then what are we going to do?

Hotohori: I say we "kick and run"…

Nakago: Sounds good….on the count of tree…1…2…*starts running away leaving Hotohori and Chichiri with the security guard*

Chichiri: How did I know he was going to do that no da?

Chiriko: *comes out of the store with all the stuff in a grocery bag, all paid for* Now what have you idiots done? Where's Blondy?

Hotohori: *shrugs*

Security Guard #685: AHEM!

Hotohori: Yo! Chiriko…my right hand man…hehe…can I borrow some cash?

Chiriko: *laughs* You still owe me $50!

Hotohori: Then you leave me no choice…*suddenly kicks the security in the gut and begins running away*

Chichiri: WAIT FOR ME NO DA!!! *runs too*

Chiriko: Like I said…IDIOTS! *runs away too*

Security Guard #685: *rolling on the ground in pain…* You'll pay for that!!! Ow…It hurts to threaten!

Chapter 11…

Chiriko: *pant pant* YOU IDIOTS!

Nakago: Mr. Bunny made me do it!

Chichiri: *whispers in Nakago's ear* I think the small one is mad at us no da?

Chiriko: I AM NOT SMALL!

Hotohori: *painting his nails*

Chiriko: Now where on Earth is Tasuki?  
  
Chichiri: *shrugs* Probably lighting things on fire no da!

Hotohori: Ok…now what…this idle conversation is ruining my hair.

Nakago: *to the small one* Did you grab ALL the "I can't believe it's not butter!" products?

Chiriko: Yes…

Nakago: ALL of them?

Chiriko: YES!

Nakago: You mean you got regular, light, fat free, unsalted, squeeze, spray can, AND sweet cream and calcium?

Chiriko: YES DAMMIT!

Nakago: *smirk* Excellent…

Hotohori: Now we have to find out where Nuriko keeps her fridge!

Chiriko: *pikus* In the kitchen, bakara! *getting a migraine*

Hotohori: What's a kitchen?

Nakago: *blink blink* Anyways…we must now invade the fridge!

Chichiri: Agreed no da! TO THE BUS! no da…

Hotohori: What's a bus?

Meanwhile…

Tasuki: Ok…I remember what they said…

Nuriko: Care to share?

Tasuki: Hotohori, Chichiri, Nakago, and the small one are planning to break into the palace and replace all the food in your fridge with "I can't believe it's not butter!" and foods made with it.

Nuriko: What a dumb plan! I simply won't eat it!

Tasuki: You don't understand…they are planning to do that with every fridge in a 10 mile radius!

Nuriko: THOSE MONSTERS!

Tasuki: The plan was you would eventually have to eat it otherwise you would have starved to death.

Nuriko: No…not my food!

Tasuki: We must find a way to counter this attack!

Nuriko: I have a plan!

Tasuki: What?

Nuriko: My friends at Lactantia®™ owe me a favour. I say we go over there and sabotage their franchise!

Tasuki: I don't get it?

Nuriko: We will ask them the take all their containers in which within they put their margarine and butter products, and disguise them as "I can't believe it's not butter!" containers. So when people eat it, they will think they are eating "I can't believe it's not butter!", but in reality they are eating the pure stuff!

Tasuki: That's the stupidest plan I ever heard! How on Earth are we going to get our enemies to fall for that and buy all those fake "I can't believe it's not butter!" stuff! They probably already have a lifetime supply of the real "I can't believe it's not butter!" in their basement or something!

Nuriko:…Dammit! You're right…on to plan B then!

Tasuki: What's plan B!

Nuriko: *evil smirk* You will have to wait for the next chapter to find out!

Tasuki: DAMN YOU!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Mwahahahahaha! Don't you just hate these corny cliffhangers!

Tasuki: I DO!

Anymeow, you have to wait to find out what Nuriko has up her sleeve! PLEASE REVIEW! No flamers!   
No reviews = No continuation of this fic! SO THERE! *smirk* I'm hungry…GTG! JAA!


	5. WHO LIKES SWEET POTATO PIE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!

Moshi Moshi!!! It's back! And Nuriko has a plan (run for your lives) …*ahem* As you all should know by now, "I can't believe it's not butter!" is pure evil…which is why you MUST buy it…OR ELSE! *waves fist threateningly*. Anymeow, ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of their characters. I do not own "I can't believe it's not butter!" products, but I wish I did! If you want to learn more about this non-cholesterol product, check out their website at www.icantbelieveitsnotbutter.com (yes, this REALLY is a website) "I can't believe it's not butter!" is available at a grocery store near you!

**NOTE: This is for the reviewer by the name of "Nuriko no Mikos"….I am well aware that Nuriko is a man…and I clearly stated in earlier chapters that I am calling him a "her" because that's how he likes it (hehe). And I checked up on the "light" thing. It is "Light" NOT "Lite" according to the website and container. Perhaps you should double-check that. But don't worry…everyone makes mistakes…most likely I am making a mistake right now and you might be right afterall…*shrugs*

~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 12…

Tasuki: Ok…We are at the next chapter! So you HAVE to tell me…what's plan B?

Nuriko: We will ask Lactancia™® the take all their containers in which within they put their margarine and butter products, and disguise them as "I can't believe it's not butter!" containers. So when people eat it, they will think they are eating "I can't believe it's not butter!", but in reality they are eating the pure stuff!

Tasuki: *glare* That was plan A dumb ass!

Nuriko: Oh yeah…hehe…*pikus* Then plan B is we will get monk-chan next.

Tasuki: What the hell is that suppose to mean?

Nuriko: We'll hit 'em where it hurts. The monk! *smirk*

Tasuki: What monk?

Nuriko: *hits Tasuki upside the head* CHICHIRI BAKARA!

Tasuki: He's a monk?

Nuriko: *sighs* Just follow me…

Meanwhile…

Nakago: A little more…

Hotohori: But it's starting to hurt…

Nakago: Take it like a man!

Hotohori: *whines* But you're adding too much pressure. It's really starting to hurt me. The opening isn't that big.

Chichiri: Hurry up no da! I want to go next!

Chiriko:…

Nakago: Just a little more!

Hotohori: Ow…please…no more.

Nakago: A little more…

Chiriko: It looks like he's going to break…

Nakago: YES! YES! A LITTLE MORE! THIS IS PERFECT!!

Hotohori: *whimpers*

Nakago: YES!!! YES!!! STOP!

Hotohori: *drops the giant fridge that was on his back a couple of inches away from the small window they barely slipped it through which led into the palace's kitchen (and for the rest of you who thought they were doing "something" else…you're all pervs)* FINALLY! *stretches his back* It was too heavy…I think I'm crippled. *glare* HOW DARE YOU MAKE AN EMPEROR DO SLAVE WORK!

Nakago: *shrugs* 

Chichiri: MY TURN no da! *slips trough the window*

Nakago: Ok…now you have to switch our fridge with their fridge.

Chichiri: NO PROBLEM!

Chiriko: WAIT! YOU CAN'T! According to my calculations, the palace fridge is too big for you to hold. It would crush you like a bug!

Chichiri: Don't worry no da…I have a plan! Watch and learn no da! *pulls out his poncho and places it on top of the OTHER fridge. The poncho slowly begins to swallow the fridge like a black hole until the fridge is completely gone. Then Chichiri places the poncho back on his head and slips out of there like it was nothing*

Hotohori: I knew there was something funny about that hat…

Nakago: How did he do that?

Chiriko: He seems to have discovered a way to capture infinity into a compressed area of volume in which takes a lateral area of components. Simply amazing and mind boggling if you think about it…

Nakago: Which is why we won't.

Chichiri: Now what no da?

Nakago: We wait…

Meanwhile…somewhere else…

Miaka: *now under the spell of the "I can't believe it's not butter!"* HEY TAMAHOME! *glomp*

Tamahome: It's about time you put me in this fic, Tammy! *waves fist menacingly*

Tamara: *cowars* Sorry…

Miaka: Would you like some "I can't believe it's not butter!"?

Tamahome: What's that?

Miaka: *eyes go all red and demon-like and voice goes all evil* DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY, BOY!

Tamahome:…Miaka? Are you okay? Is it that "time of month" AGAIN?

Miaka: DON'T FOOL WITH ME, CHILD! NOW EAT OR DIE A TERRIBLE TERRIBLE DEATH! *shoves some "I can't believe it's not butter!" into Tama's hands*

Tamahome:…I'm…not hungry…

Miaka: *twitch twitch*

Tamahome: *slowly walking away*…I'll see you later…

Back to Nuriko and Tasuki…

Tasuki: Whatcha doing?

Nuriko: Making a sweet potato pie! What does it look like I'm doing?

Tasuki: It looks like your making a sweet potato pie…

Nuriko: *rolls eyes* 'Cause I am!

Tasuki: Why?

Nuriko: Because if there is one thing Chichiri can't resist…it's sweet potato pie.

Tasuki: Let me guess…you're making it with REAL butter to free him from the clutches of the "I can't believe it's not butter!"?

Nuriko: Oh My Goddess! You got something right!

Tasuki: *glare* Well for your information, you're suppose to cream the potatoes, not mash them. And you need more sugar!

Nuriko: Where did you learn how to cook?

Tasuki: Hello! I was raised by women…the most evil *twitch*, demonic *twitch*, and insane women on the planet…*twitch twitch*

Nuriko:…

Tamahome: HEY! What are you two up to?

Tasuki: AHHHHH! *cowars*

Tamahome: What?

Tasuki: *points to what's in Tamahome's hands*

Tamahome: What? This? *points to the container of "I can't believe it's not butter!" in his hand*

Tasuki: *nods with fear*

Tamahome: Miaka gave it to me…she was acting kinda weird. She REALLY wanted me to eat it…

Nuriko and Tasuki at the same time: YOU DIDN'T, DID YOU?!  
Tamahome: No…why?

Nuriko: *grabs the butter from Tamahome and puts some on a spoon. Tamahome watches as the spoon begins to disintegrate* It's pure evil.

Tamahome: Why would Miaka do that to me?

Nuriko: That thing you thought was Miaka wasn't her. The real Miaka is dead. The "I can't believe it's not butter!" killed her. *strange cheers can be heard in the background*

Tamahome: *looks like he's going to cry* She's dead?

Nuriko: No…not really…we must free her, though. And there is only one way how…*hands Tamahome a leftover cookie* Feed this to her and she will be free.

Tasuki: Hey…that's MINE!

Nuriko: *rolls eyes*

Tamahome: I don't understand.

Nuriko: Just trust me, my son. And whatever you do…don't eat the "I can't believe it's not butter!". YOU GOT THAT?

Tamahome: Yeah... *looks a little freaked out*

Chapter 13…

Miaka: *seems to be acting more like herself* I'm hungry! I want food. NOW!

Tamahome: *appears* Hey…I brought you a cookie!

Miaka: FOOD! *grabs the cookie and chomps it down* Mmmm…fattening…*eyes begin to bulge* What… is…happening…*starts insanely shaking* NO! IT WAS MADE WITH REAL BUTTER! NOOOOOO! *falls to the floor and a little shadow demon escapes her mouth like what happened with Tasuki*

Tamahome: ?

Meanwhile…

Nuriko: IT IS DONE!

Tasuki: Now we have to find the monk and get him to eat it.

Nuriko: That isn't going to be easy. He's not as stupid as you are…he would probably suspect something.

Tasuki: HEY!

Nuriko: But if one of his "I can't believe it's not butter!" friends offered it to him…he might take the bait. Does he know you are free from the "I can't believe it's not butter!"?

Tasuki: I doubt it…

Nuriko :Excellent…

Meanwhile…

Hotohori: Is it just me, or are we wasting our time here waiting for someone to use the fridge?

Tasuki: Hello!  
Everyone: *jumps* AH!

Tasuki: Calm your hormones…it's just me.

Nakago: *glare* Where were you?

Tasuki: Cooking.

Chiriko: You cook?

Tasuki: Yeah…

Everyone but Tasuki: *rolling on the floor with laughter*

Tasuki: SHUT UP!

Chichiri: What a girly thing no da!

Tasuki: *grins* Fine…I guess you won't want any of this sweet potato pie I baked…

Chichiri: *stops moving* Did you say sweet potato pie no da?

Tasuki: Yep!

Chichiri: GIMME no da!

Nakago: WAIT! It might be a trap! He might have joined the gay one…

Tasuki: Fine…*walks away* I'll just stand here…alone…with this ENTIRE sweet potato pie…all to myself…all alone…Mmmmm…

Chichiri: *insert drool here*

Nakago: Don't trust him, Chichiri!

Chichiri: Must resist no da…

Hotohori: Be strong…

Chichiri: Must resist…AH, FUCK IT NO DA! *grabs the pie from Tasuki's hands and start pigging out*

Nakago: *pikus*

Chiriko: You would think a monk would have a stronger will…ironic, huh?

Chichiri: *stops moving* Wait a minute no da…I taste cholesterol…

Tasuki: *grin*

Chichiri: Shit no da…*falls to the ground and the shadow demon escapes his mouth*

Nakago: DAMMIT! IT WAS A TRAP!

Chiriko: A little late for that!

Chichiri: I am free no da!

Nakago: GET THEM!

Tasuki: OH SHIT! There's no way to escape!

Chichiri: I KNOW! *pulls off his poncho* Hop in no da!

Tasuki: You have to be kidding me!

Chichiri: NOW NO DA!!!

Tasuki: NO WAY!

Chichiri: GET YOUR FUCKING ASS IN THERE NO DA!!

Tasuki: *sticks his foot into the poncho and gets sucked in* AHH!

Chichiri: *hops in after him and the poncho disappears*

Hotohori: I'm really starting to hate that hat!

Nakago: FOOLS! They know our plan! They will surely tell Nuriko!

Chiriko: I'm guessing Tasuki already did…but the good news is that they don't know the next phase of "Operation get Homo-chan"

Hotohori: *grin* Excellent!…What is the next phase?

Back to Nuriko:

Nuriko: What the hell is taking them so long!

Tamahome: *appears carrying…or atleast trying to carry Miaka who is unconscious* Dammit Miaka! You really should stop eating so much!

Nuriko: Did she eat the cookie?

Tamahome: Yeah…but…

Nuriko: But what?

Tamahome: Since I helped you on your anti-"I can't believe it's not butter!" thing, I want a favour in return…*sticks out hand*

Nuriko: *gives Tama a "high five"* Thanks!

Tamahome: *piku* I don't think you understand me…*wink wink*

Nuriko: What?…You want me to kiss your hand?

Tamahome: NO! I WANT MONEY!

Nuriko: …*slaps Tama upside his head…really hard…with her super human strength*

Tamahome: *in pain* Fair enough…

Nuriko: *grin*

Tamahome: *feels something whack the back of his head* I said fair enough! *turns around and sees Chichiri's poncho at his feet* What the…*Tasuki and Chichiri pops out of the poncho* SHIT! What the hell was that!

Nuriko: Were you successful Tasuki?

Tasuki: Yep!

Chichiri: Fang-boy saved me no da! *smile*

Tasuki: *blink blink* What did he just call me?

Nuriko: Awesome!

Chichiri: Not quite no da. As we were leaving, I overheard Chiriko talking about a "second phase" of their plan no da. And knowing him…this can't be good.

Nuriko: Then we will just have to be more careful…

Chichiri: OH YEAH no da! *pulls the fridge full of non-"I can't believe it's not butter!" foods out of his poncho* I forgot that was in there no da!

Nuriko: *blink blink*

Chichiri: I'm sure you know that Nakago and the others switched your fridge with food made form "I can't believe it's not butter!". Well your REAL fridge over there no da! Now you don't have to worry since we still have some non-evil food no da!

Nuriko: Perfect.

Tamahome: Now what are you guys going to do.

Nuriko: Now that we got the monk, we need to get the brain on our side.

Tamahome: Brain?

Nuriko: That's right! Chiriko! Without him, Nakago will probably no longer have any bright ideas to stop us!

Chichiri: But Chiriko is too smart to fall for the "food" thing no da. So what do we do?

Nuriko: The kid may be too smart for us…but he's too small and weak to physically stop us…especially me! *grins*

Tasuki: I don't get it…

Nuriko: Just wait for the next chapter to find out! I have ANOTHER plan…

Tasuki: DAMN YOU! NOT AGAIN!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Hope you enjoyed that! HAHA! ANOTHER SOMEWHAT CLIFFHANGER! *grins evily* I love my job!

Tasuki: I HATE YOU!

Tamara: I know ^_^

Please review! No reviews = no more chapters. (please no flames) REVIEW! Or I'll make you eat my mom's cooking!

Tasuki: AHHHHHHHH! YOU GUYS BETTER REVIEW! YOU DON'T KNOW HER MOM! SHE'S A WORST COOK THAN MISATO FROM NEON GENESIS EVANGELION!

Nuriko: Is that possible?

PenPen: *nods* QUACK!

JAA!


	6. Brains VS Bronze...or is it the other wa...

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!

Moshi Moshi! Sorry I didn't write/upload any of this sooner…here's my excuse: ff.net was down and I'm a lazy ass so there! "I can't believe it's not butter!" better get it's ass up here in Canada before I start going insane! (A little too late for that, huh?) BTW…if any one else believes that the penguins will take over the world (like I do) then perhaps you should start therapy since my bad influences can't be good for your health…or you could just devote your life to the penguins and act as their slave…( NOT their dutch doll…*shivers*) ENJOY!

Disclaimer: Same as last chapter…

Let's continue then…

~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 14…

Hotohori: So what's the plan, chibi?

Chiriko: *glare* We must get Nuriko first! Nuriko is their leader. Take away their leader, and the rest of them will be like shooting fish in a barrel.

Nakago: Mmmm...fish…

Chiriko: *pikus* I am working with chimps!

Hotohori: So how do we get her…him…it…whatever?

Chiriko: We can't use brute force since she'll easily kick all of our asses. So we will use brains…we will out-smart her.

Nakago: But let's face the facts…we're all idiots.

Chiriko: Correction…YOU are all idiots. I am a genius with an IQ of 206. So naturally…I have a plan…*looks at Hotohori * Are you willing to go where no man has gone before?

Hotohori: *gulp* I am not doing anything that has to do with milk!

Chiriko:…right…Anymeow…here's the plan…

Back to Nuriko and Co.

Nuriko: Ok…let's face the facts…we are ALL idiots.

Everyone: *nods in agreement*

Nuriko: But we do have one thing…POWER! I am the strongest human being on the planet…no man or woman can out match my beauty OR strength…and let's not forget that I am aswell the most polite and modest person alive too. *big grin*

Tasuki: *rolls eyes*

Nuriko: Chiriko can probably out-smart us…easily…very easily…but if we can pin him down and knock him out, he'll be on our side in no time.

Tasuki: So how do we get to him. Nakago and Hotohori are pretty tough.

Nuriko: Perhaps against you…but against me…I'll squish 'em like bugs.

Tasuki: *mumbling* quotes the character who died first in the series….

Nuriko: HEY! I HEARD THAT!

Chichiri: Ok no da…I think I'll be able to get the kid here, but you will have to do the rest.

Tamahome: And what am I suppose to do?

Chichiri: You go…uh…you go…*pondering*

Tasuki: Why don't you go find Mitsukake…he's probably wondering the hell is going on.

Tamahome: OK! *runs off*

Nuriko: FINALLY! I thought we would never get rid of him!

Tasuki: TO THE BUS!

Meanwhile…

Hotohori: NO FUCKING WAY!

Chiriko: Come on!

Hotohori: FORGET IT! I AM NOT STOOPING THAT LOW!

Nakago: But it's the only way!

Hotohori: NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER!

Chiriko: Please! You're the only one who can pull this off! She doesn't worship the essence of the rest of us.

Hotohori: *pouting* But it's gross and…well…GAY!

Chiriko: *kawaii puppy eyes* Pllllleeeeeeaaaaassssseeee!?

Hotohori:…I'll think about it! *stomps off*

Now to Tamahome…

Mitsukake: Dammit! I don' wanna be in this fic!

Tamara: Tough shit!

Tamahome: Hey Mitsukake…

Tamaneko: Meow…*big smiley face*

Mitsukake: Whatcha want? *still glaring at Tamara*

Tamahome: Oh…I just wanted to let you know that Nakago, Hotohori and the small brainiac are under the spell of the "I can't believe it's not butter!" and are trying to turn us all into their mindless slaves.

Mitsukake:…*blink blink*…Oh, I see…*starts giggling* APRIL FOOLS TO YOU TOO!

Tamahome: *piku* I'm serious!

Mitsukake: Sure…*wink wink* Don't worry, I won't tell the others about your plan…

Tamahome: But I'm not kidding!

Mitsukake: Your secret is safe with me!

Tamahome: BUT…

Mitsukake: *cuts Tama off* Trust me…look…I got to go heal the dying now…great joke though! *walks away*

Tamaneko: Meow! *smiling stupidly* Meow! *starts rubbing against Tama's leg*

Tamahome: Ew…get it off!

Tamaneko: Meow…I believe you!

Tamahome: ?

Tamaneko: Don't worry…Mitsu-chan will soon learn the truth in his own time…

Tamahome: Did you just talk?

Tamaneko:…*shakes his head in a "no…" fashion and runs away*

Tamahome: I should start cutting down on those beers…

Back the Chiriko and Nakago…

Hotohori: *comes back* Hello!

Chiriko: So? Are you going to do it?

Hotohori: Do what?

Chiriko: Seduce Nuriko to get her to eat the "I can't believe it's not butter!" bakara!

Hotohori: Oh yeah! That! Your "plan" hehe…Sure! I'll do it!

Nakago: Wow…what a change of heart…

Hotohori: Yeah…well…how can someone with such a beautiful face like mine refuse seduction?

Chiriko: Well…what are you waiting for! Get your ass over to the palace!

Hotohori: Sure…but first I need to talk to you…alone…

Chiriko: Why?

Hotohori: It's uh…private!

Chiriko: Ok…*walks into the other room with Hotohori* What is it?

Hotohori: I lost a penny in my hat…and I need someone with small hands to reach in there and pull it out since it's stuck in the hat's fibers.

Chiriko: *confused look* You want me to get a penny out of your hat?

Hotohori: *nods*

Chiriko: And this is a private matter because…?

Hotohori: Well…you see…it's Nakago's penny and he'll get mad at me if he knew I stole it.

Chiriko: But it's just ONE penny…

Hotohori: Nakago is a freak…he would care.

Chiriko: I don't see why you need me to get a penny out of your hat…it's not like you NEED it.

Hotohori: True…except it feels really uncomfortable when I wear the hat since the penny digs into my skull.

Chiriko: *mumbling* That explains the brain damage…

Hotohori: What was that?

Chiriko: NOTHING! Uh…I rather not…

Hotohori: *pulls out a poncho* Please…for me…*flashes eyelashes*

Chiriko: This sounds kinda weird…I think you need some therapeutic help…

Hotohori: DAMN YOU! Just do it!

Chiriko: *comforts Hoto-chan* There there…it's ok to have a mental problem…

Hotohori: Just put your freaking hand into the freaking hat! *twitch twitch*

Chiriko: Right…*slowly backing away*

Hotohori: COLAIS TABARNAQUE! (that is French for those of you who don't know) *grabs Chiriko's hand* GO IN THE HAT! *shoves his hand into the hat*

Chiriko: *suddenly gets sucked/pulled into the poncho* GYAAAAAAAAH!

Hotohori: *smirk* You're one annoying little smart ass no da! *pulls off a mask and wig revealing Chichiri*

Chiriko: *from inside the hat* WHAT THE FUCK!

Chichiri: Hehe…*jumps into the hat and disappears as the hat flies away*

Chapter 15…

Now to the REAL Hotohori…

Hotohori: I can't believe I'm doing this…*knocks on the palace door*

Nuriko: *opens it holding a frying pan* YOU! *about to whack Hotohori with it*

Hotohori: WAIT! I'm a good guy! I come in peace!

Nuriko: *squinty glare* You're lying and you suck at it!

Hotohori: I'm swear to the Gods! I got in a fight with Nakago and I accidentally ate some banana bread made with REAL butter, and now I'm one of the good guys!

Nuriko: I still don't believe you!

Hotohori: I'm serious! *pulls out a bouquet of flowers from behind his back* I brought these for you.

Nuriko: *glare* Hmmm…*grabs the flowers and begins to examine them* They look real. *she sniffs them* They smell real…*she puts her ear to one of them* The sound real…

Hotohori: *blink blink*

Nuriko: Ok…well…the flowers are safe, but you're still an ass!

Hotohori: You're right…I am lying!

Nuriko: I knew it! *raises frying pan menacingly*

Hotohori: WAIT! I mean I'm lying that I'm not here to join you! I'm here to announce my love for you!

Nuriko: *blink blink* I'm listening…

Hotohori: I…I…I love the way you smile. And the way you look so pretty in a dress…prettier than most real women!

Nuriko: *raises frying pan threateningly*

Hotohori: I mean prettier than ALL real women! Hehe…

Nuriko: *lowers frying pan*

Hotohori: And even though we are both men…*shivers*…I…I can pretend that you are a woman….Since you look like a woman…and act like a woman…and become mysteriously bitchy once a month like a woman…

Nuriko: *raises frying pan*

Hotohori: I mean I like that about you! You're so feminine. And I'm so feminine…we can get along great!

Nuriko: *lowers frying pan*

Hotohori: I want to get to know you better! I want to prove that Lactancia™® butter is the only way to go! Please…allow me to bake a cake in your honour…to prove myself to you!

Nuriko: *almost in tears* It would be my pleassure…*hugs Hotohori*

Hotohori: *really freaked out/disgusted face* Hehe…

Nuriko: *squeezes Hoto-chan harder*

Hotohori: *turning purple* Can't breath…

Inside the palace…

Tasuki: Where the fuck is everybody? *something hits him on the back of head* OW! What the…*sees the poncho* ABOUT TIME!

Chichiri: *climbs out of the hat* Moshi!

Tasuki: Where's the shrimp?

Chichiri: *pulls on a cord and Chiriko is dragged out of the hat all tied up*

Chiriko: What's going on? *sees Tasuki* TRAITER!

Tasuki: *rolls eyes*

Chichiri: Let "Operation exorcist on the chibi" commence no da!

Chiriko: STOP CALLING ME A CHIBI!

Tasuki: *whispers to Chichiri* You should have gagged him.

Chapter 16…

Tasuki: *tying Chiriko to a tree* OW! Stop kicking…it will be easier for the both of us!

Chiriko: Bite me, pyro!

Tasuki: Hey! Pyro's are cool! An anime wouldn't be an anime if their weren't any pyros.

Chiriko: Not only are you fire obsessed, you're also a moronic waste of life! Anime's are based on complicated story lines, amazing art, and crossdressing and homosexuals! No one gives a rat's ass about the pyros!

Tasuki: WHY YOU LITTLE FUCKING RUNT! *about to strangle Chiriko*

Chichiri: HEY! *holds Tasuki back* We need him no da!

Tasuki: I'm gonna kill you!

Chiriko: *sticks out tongue*

Chichiri: CALM DOWN NO DA!

Tasuki: Where is that fucking gag!

Chiriko: *smirk*

Tasuki: *rips off a piece of his shirt and gags Chiriko*

Chiriko: *glare*

Tasuki: Now let's get this over with before I kill that fucking kid!

Chichiri: Alright no da! I'll go get Nuriko.

Meanwhile…

Nuriko: WOW! *drool* Hotohori! That's the bigest chocolate cake I've ever seen! It looks so delicious!

Hotohori: *fake smile* And it's all for you! Hehe…

Nuriko: WOW! It's my dream come true! Food AND Hoto-sama in the same room at the same time!

Hotohori: Right…Here! *cuts Nuriko a piece* Chow down!

Nuriko: OK! *grabs a fork*

Chichiri: *opens the door* Nuriko…we're ready to start "Operation… *sees Hoto-chan* What's he doing here no da? *remembers Chiriko's plan when he pretended to be Hotohori* SHIT!

Nuriko: *about to put a piece of the cake into her mouth*

Chichiri: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO da!

~*~*~*~*~*~

AHAHAHAHAHA! Another cliff hanger! I'm sure you ALL hate me by now…(what else is new) Now…if you want to know what happens…YOU MUST REVIEW! No reviews mean no more "I can't believe it's not butter!" ficcie! Jaa!


	7. PINK PANTS!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER…7

Moshi!!! YAY!!! I'm continuing…let's all jump up and down! *jumping up and down all alone*….*pouts*… Anymeow…here it is…A complete fanfic based on a dinner table joke…strange no da? And writing these things sure makes me hungry…*eyes Die evilly* ENJOY! And you all better review!! I like to know what ppl think of my stuff.

Note: Did you steal my cheese?

~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 17…

As we were….

Chichiri: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO da!

Nuriko: *about to bite down*

Chichiri: *throws his poncho at Nuriko…it hits her hand causing her to drop the cake all over her pink pants*

Nuriko: *gasp* MY PANTS!!! MY FAVOURITE PANTS!!! *turns and glares evilly at Chichiri* Oooh! I'm gonna KILL you!!

Chichiri: Uh oh no da…

Nuriko: What the hell was that for?

Chichiri: Can't you see no da? Hotohori was feeding you cake made with "I can't believe it's not butter!"!!!!

Nuriko: HE WAS NOT!!! He said he's on our side now…and look! *points to a vase* He even brought me flowers! *girly happy look*

Chichiri: NO no da! You don't understand! I overheard their plan when I pretended to be him no da!

Hotohori: NO WAY! There's no way you could EVER be me. I'm too beautiful, and smart, and rich, and famous and…

Chichiri: *ignores Hotohori as he goes on* This is all part of their plan! The kid is tied to a tree outside! I bet you can SQUEEZE the truth out of him, if you get my drift no da!

Hotohori: …and tall, and athletic, and artistic, and…

Nuriko: Hmmm…*thinking* I guess that must be true…*pouts* I mean after all this time…what would 'cause Hotohori to suddenly like me…*sad look*

Chichiri: There there, homo-chan…*pats back* We all love you no da! *sweet smile*

Hotohori: …and talented, and graceful, and giving, and sweet, and admired and…

Nuriko: *rolls eyes and covers Hoto-chan's mouth* Sheesh…we get the point!

Chichiri: We should hurry to Chiriko…I have a bad feeling that Tasuki might have lit him on fire by now…

Nuriko: *nods and follows Chichiri out of the room dragging Hoto-chan along…who is still muttering all his crap*

When they get outside….

Tasuki: *has a sharp object pointed at Chiriko's throat* DIE!!!

Chichiri: STOP NO DA!!! *grabs Tasuki's hand*

Tasuki: BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! HE SAID THAT I WAS GETTING FAT!!!

Chichiri: But he was gagged! 

Tasuki: He took it off with his tongue…

Nuriko: WHA???

Chichiri: *blink blink*

Tasuki: Don't ask…

Hothori: …and modest, and sincere, and cool, and cherished, and god-like…

Tasuki: ? What's he talking about?

Nuriko: *pikus* Himself…

Tasuki: Figures…

Chiriko: HOTOHORI!!!

Hotohori: *abruptly shuts up* Huh?

Chiriko: AHEM!

Hotohori: What?

Chiriko: I'm TIED to a TREE! That's WHAT!

Hotohori: And your point is?

Chiriko: UNTIE ME YOU IDIOT!!!

Hotohori: OH!…ok!

Nuriko: *easily holds him back with one finger*

Chiriko: *pikus* I hope he didn't mention he was smart in his utterings…

Nuriko: Ok shrimp! Here's the deal…you can either eat the Lactancia™® with your own free will…OR you can wait and let us shove it viscously down your tiny, weak throat…Your choice!

Chiriko: GO TO HELL YOU HERMAPHRODITE!

Nuriko: WHAT DID HE JUST CALL ME! *pissed off* I AM NOT A HERMAPHRODITE!!!

Chiriko: I'd be surprised if you even knew what the word meant!

Nuriko: Why you little-

Tasuki: *cuts her off* See…he can be very annoying! It's not just me!

Nuriko: *pulls out a container of Lactancia™® butter from her pocket* Just for that comment…you're eating it raw!

Chiriko: NO!!! *closes mouth tight shut*

Nuriko: Give me a break…*squeezes Chiriko's mouth…it opens easily*

Chiriko: Damn you and your super human strength! Damn it to hell!

Nuriko: *pulls out a spoon and puts some butter on it* OPEN WIDE! *smile*

Chiriko: I'll let you know…even if you feed me that you'll never win! "I can't believe it's not butter!" is immortal…you're just delaying the inev---*spoon is shoved in his mouth* *gag* Urgh! *a little shadow demon escapes his mouth and he falls unconscious*

Nuriko: HA!

Hotohori: Cool…Did you see that! What was that thing that came out of his mouth? It looked like something from the exorcist or something!

Nuriko: Your turn Hoto-chan! *spoons some more butter*

Hotohori: WAIT! So when you feed me that…a little demon will come out of my mouth too?

Nuriko: *nods*

Hotohori: COOL! *opens mouth…grabs spoon…and feeds himself the butter*

Tasuki, Chichiri and Nuriko: *piku*

Hotohori: *pauses*…*nothing comes out of his mouth* HEY!! Why isn't it working! Gimme more of that! *grabs the container and shovels the butter down*…*pause*…*nothing happens* WHY ISN'T A DEMON THING COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH!!

Tasuki: Did you even eat any "I can't believe it's not butter!" in the first place?

Hotohori: *thinks about it* No…

Everyone: *falls down anime style*

Chapter 18…

Nakago: *all alone at their base* Where is everybody? IS ANYBODY HERE?

*SILENCE*

Nakago: *sniffle* Why did they leave me all alone…*sees an envelope fall at his feet* What the hell is this? *opens it and reads it*

Letter: 

Dear Nakago,  
We have your friends…BOTH OF THEM! Give up…you aren't going to win all alone! Just destroy the "I can't believe it's not butter!" and we won't hurt you!

-Nuriko and Co.

Nakago: NNNNNOOOOO!!! They got Hotohori AND Chiriko??? What am I going to do?

Voice: Don't give up…

Nakago: WHAT WAS THAT???

Voice: I am the essence of the "I can't believe it's not butter!" You are the only one who can save the world. They must all know about my greatest…Come to me…I will help you…

Nakago: *scared* Where do I find you?

Voice: Where else…ZELLERS!!!

Nakago: *gulp*

Meanwhile…

Chiriko: *wakes up* Wh…what…happened?

Nuriko: Huh? OH! *untying Chiriko form the tree* There you go!

Chiriko: Why was I tied to a tree?

Nuriko: Long story…to make it short…your mind was being controlled by the "I can't believe it's not butter!" so we had to use brute force to save you.

Chiriko: Oh…ok…

Hotohori: So…what now?

Tasuki: Well…there's still Nakago left. Once we get rid of him…then it'll be over…right?

Hotohori: No…not quite…

Chichiri: What do you mean no da?

Hotohori: Nakago isn't the head of "I can't believe it's not butter!"…there's someone else out there.

Nuriko: Someone else? Who?

Hotohori: *shrugs* I never met the real "head" of the operation…but I know they exist.

Nuriko: Who cares! There's no one out there that we can't handle!!!

Tasuki: *staring at Nuriko intently*

Nuriko: …*pause* …What are YOU looking at!

Tasuki: May I talk to you…ALONE!

Nuriko:… ok…*walks into the palace with Tasuki* What is it?

Tasuki: There's something about you that has been pissing me off since the day we met.

Nuriko: What?

Tasuki: You don't understand how annoying it is…

Nuriko: OK…WHAT IS IT?

Tasuki: Your pants.

Nuriko: My pants?

Tasuki: WHAT'S WITH THE PINK PANTS!

Nuriko: *confused* What's wrong with my pants?

Tasuki: THEY'RE PINK!

Nuriko: So…

Tasuki: WHO WEARS PINK PANTS?!?

Nuriko: *utters* I do….

Tasuki: NO REALLY! Who wears pink pants? Who makes pink pants? Where the hell did you get pink pants? Who likes pink anyways?

Nuriko: I do…

Tasuki: NO ONE LIKES PINK! Especially guys. EVEN GIRLS DON'T LIKE PINK! I have 4 sisters and not one of them likes pink! Where did you find those pants anyways! I've never seen a human being wear pink pants in my life…BESIDES YOU! I am shocked that there is actually a store in old China that makes pink pants…or is there?

Nuriko: *bows head with shame* No…I made them myself…

Tasuki: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! PINK IS SOOOOO….SOOO…SOOO…GAY!

Nuriko: *glare* I resent that!

Tasuki: WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO WEAR THOSE PANTS! ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WEAR THEM MOST OF THE SERIES!

Nuriko: *pissed off now* SO WHAT!! I LIKE PINK! THESE HAPPEN TO BE MY FAVOURITE PANTS TOO! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

Tasuki: Haven't you been listening…I DO!

Nuriko: THAT'S IT! NO ONE DISSES THE PANTS! YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE??

Tasuki: I DO! COME ON!! BRING IT O---*gets cut off when a pink lightning-bult suddenly hits him out of no where turning Tasuki into a charcoaled corps*

Someone in heaven with a pink mullet: *giggles girlishly*

Nuriko: That was…odd…

Meanwhile…

Nakago: *in Zellers all alone* Hello? Is anybody there? *accidentally knocks over a mannequin* Oops…

Shadowed figure sitting on a cash register: Come closer…

Nakago: *approaches* OH MY GOD! YOU!!! I can't…be…

~*~*~*~*~*~

ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER!!! NOOO!!!! I'm so cruel…Well…I hope you enjoyed that…I couldn't resist the pink pants thing…that cracked me up the first time I watched the show…And I think I'm the only one that really noticed that! Or am I…*shifty eyes* PLEASE REVIEW!!! BAIBAI!


	8. THE FINAL PIECE OF TOAST!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!!

GOMEN NASAI!!!! I KNOW I HAVEN'T UPDATED AND I'M SORRY!!! I've been REALLY busy working on another fic and school and life and yeah! Forgive me!!!! *offers pocky in a bribe kinda fashion* Yeah…so this is the FINAL CHAPTER!!!! Uhuh…the end…that's right. So everyone has to read it and review! I really hope you like it!

Note: Contains character bashing and some spoilers I don't know about!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 19…

Tasuki: *blink blink* OW!

Nuriko: *giggles* YOU GOT HIT BY LIGHTNING!

Chichiri: *walks in* What's going on no da? Why is Tasuki a charcoaled corps?

Tasuki: SHUDDAP!

Nuriko: Anyways…on a more important note….it's time for us to end the "I can't believe it's not butter!" saga once and for all!

Chiriko: *walks in* I AGREE! Accoring to my calculations…their hideout is in…oh shit!

Chichiri: What is it no da?

Chiriko: *gulp* Their hideout is in…in…ZELLERS!

Nuriko: SHIT NO!!!

Tasuki: Now now ladies! Nothing as pathetic as a Zellers is going to stop us from saving the planet from "I can't believe it's not butter!"!!! We can do this! WE MUST DO THIS! FOR THE GOOD OF THE HUMAN RACE! FOR THE GOOD OF SUZAKU!! FOR THE GOOD OF- *gets cut off when another pink lightning bolt hits him from nowhere*

Nuriko: *giggles*

  


Tasuki: WHO THE FUCKING HELL KEEPS ON DOING THAT!?!?!

Hotohori: *walks in* I remember now! The hideout is in Zellers!

Nuriko: *piku* We know.

Hotohori: oh…Really?

Nuriko: Yes.

Hotohori: Oh, ok! If you need me, I'll be wallowing in my self-beauty in my personal chambers. *wobbles off*

Chiriko: *mumbles* Moron…

Meanwhile…

Nakago: YOU!!! BUT!!!! IT CAN'T BE!!!

Tomo: Who did you fucking expect? Santa Clause?

Nakago: Well, actually…

Tomo: *pikus* Don't answer that.

Nakago: So…it was you who unleashed "I can't believe it's not butter!" onto the world?

Tomo: Yes. For years I've been striving to find a concoction of pure evil. Of pure madness. Of pure cholesterol free, drool-worthy, butter replacement substance. I have finally found it! "I can't believe it's not butter!" is so addictive, I even got YOU to be my slave. *insert psycho laughing here*

Nakago: riiiiight…

Tomo: But! You have proven yourself to be worthless! *slaps Nakago across the face*

Nakago: ITAI!!!! THAT HURT!!! *sniffle* Why did you do that! I might be your butter-bitch (A/N: he called him a butter-bitch…*giggles*) but that was physical harassment! Have you any idea how much I can sue! There are laws these days about abusing your employees!!! Don't think I won't take this up with the Bureau of Employees-Who-Want-To-Take-Over-The-World! 'Cause I will!

Tomo: *rolls eyes* You have failed!!! A SHIT LOAD!! And as your punishment…I will make you stay locked in a chamber alone with Soy for a WEEK!!! BWAHAHAHAHA

Nakago: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Chapter 20…

Nuriko: *gulp* This is it…*stares up at the large Zellers department store*

Chichiri: Dewa, hajimemashou…no da…

Tasuki: Allow me! *pulls out his tessen*

Nuriko: *whacks Tasuki* NO BAKA!!! We should sneak in! Element of surprise, remember?

Tasuki: Oh yeah…*pouts*

Chichiri: *pulls a safety pin out of his poncho* Voilà! *picks the lock* Hmmmm no da!

Nuriko: What's wrong?

Chichiri: It won't open no da…

Tasuki: Why not?

Chichiri: I don't know…

Chiriko: *turns the knob and opens the door revealing that it wasn't locked in the first place*

Nuriko:…oh…well…That works too…

Chiriko: I am working with chimps! *walks in*

Everyone else: *follows*

Tasuki: *looking around…the lights are off, giving Zellers a scary/abandoned look* COOL!!! ECONOMY SIZED TWIX BARS!!! *grabs some and stuffs then in his pockets*

Nuriko: Tasuki, what are you doing?

Tasuki: Nandemonai!

Chichiri: *slaps Tasuki's hand* WE ARE NOT HERE TO STEAL MERCHANDISE NO DA!

Tasuki: Sowwy…*puts them back*

Nuriko: AH! *jumps into Tasuki's arms*

  


Tasuki: WHAT IS IT? DID YOU SEE SOMEONE?

Nuriko: *scared* Re…Request™…Request™ jeans…so…horrific…

Tasuki: *pikus as he drops Nuriko onto her ass* IDIOT!

Voice: AH!!! I see you've made it to my lair!

Tasuki: AH! *now HE jumps into Chichiri's hands*

Nuriko: *looks up rubbing her now bruised arse* Who's there?

Tomo: *lights turn on* It is I! TOMO!

Nuriko: WHAAAA??? WAIT A SEC! WAIT A SEC! Are YOU the one behind all this???

Tomo: Indeed!

Nuriko: PLANT BOY!!! THIS WHOLE TIME!!!

TOMO: PLANT BOY!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!

Tasuki: Pch! Who would have thought Plant Boy could be such a mastermind. Well then, let's just kick his ass and go home…Buffy is on at 8:00!

Chiriko: Buffy???

Tasuki: SHADDUP! BUFFY KICKS ASS!

Chiriko: I am starting to worry about you, Tasuki…

Tasuki: ?

Tomo: AHEM!!! ATTENTION ON ME!!! While you idiots were bickering, you seemed to have failed to notice that I have spread "I can't believe it's not butter!" on the Request™ merchandise, causing them to come to life and tying you all to cash registers. 

Nuriko: *blink blink*…*notice she's tied to a cash register* When the hell did that happen?

Tasuki: Seriously…how is this physically possible!?

Chichiri: This is a fanfic for Chrissake no da!!! The author can do anything she wants!

Author: DAMN STRAIGHT! *snaps her fingers and Tasuki finds himself wearing nothing but a black leather thong, a dog collar and matching leash*

Tasuki: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Chichiri: HIDE YOUR SHAME NO DA!!!

Tasuki: *instinctively covers his genital area*

Nuriko: *pouts* Awwww…ruin all my fun!

Tasuki: HENTAI!

Tomo: Come my living Request™ clothing! Feed them the "I can't believe it's not butter!"

The request clothing approaches our poor heroes who are helplessly tied down.

Nuriko: Only one person can save us now!

Tasuki: Who?

Nuriko: HOTOHORI!  
  


Tasuki: *remembers that Hotohori was last seen glomping over his beautiful reflection* AH FUCK! WE'RE SCREWED!

Unknown voice: HAVE NO FEAR!!! *a figure jumps out of nowhere*

Nuriko: Is that-

Chiriko: MITSUKAKE!!!

Mitsukake: YES!!! IT IS I!!!

Chichiri: How did you find us, no da?

Mitsukake: Tamaneko told me.

Chiriko: Wait a sec! Cats can't talk!

Tasuki: That one can! I've seen it with my own eyes!

Chiriko: Knowing you, you were probably drunk!

Tasuki: Yeah…probably…BUT IT DID TALK TO ME!

Chiriko: riii---*gets cut off as a sleeve from a Request™ shirt grabs his mouth and is about to shove some "I can't believe it's not butter!" down his throat*

Mitsukake: NOOO!! *shoves the article of clothing away form him*

Tomo: GET HIM! *Mitsukake gets doggy-piled by jeans, shirts, skirts, and, I'll be damned, penguin underwear*

Mitsukake: AH!!! I'm drowing!!!

Chiriko: In clothing?

Mitsukake: I CAN'T BREATH!

Tomo: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Another unknown voice: STOP!!!!!!!!!! *the clothing suddenly fall to the grown and become lifeless*

Tomo: *turns to the voice* YOU!

Nakago: That's right! *as you should know, his shirt is half on and there are hickies and/or lip marks all over his face and neck and he looks very traumatized*

Tomo: IMPOSSIBLE!!! How did you escape your locked chambers.

Nakago: Soy let me out when I promised to do something VERY dirty and inhumane to her after this ordeal is finished…*shivers at himself*

Nuriko: Please, by all means, do NOT tell us what it is.

Nakago: Deal.

Tomo: But how?! How can you betray me!? Are you not under the control of the "I can't believe it's not butter!"???

Nakago: Yes I am. But you are not "I can't believe it's not butter!"! You are…well…YOU! AND I WILL NEVER OBEY SOMEONE WHO WOULD PUT ME THROUGH SO MUCH SUFFERING!!! "I can't believe it's not butter!" controlling me or not! *starts untying Nuriko and co.*

Tomo: DAMN YOU!!!

Mitsukake: *emerges from the Request™ clothing* OK!!! I'm pissed now! *pulls out some Lactancia©™ butter from…uh…let's say his pants simply for hentai purposes ^^*

Tomo: Oh shit…

Everyone: *now is untied* GET HIM! *insert giant doggy-pile on Tomo and lots of screaming obscenities etc. here*

So…let's flash forward a bit. Obviously our heroes saved the day, Nakago and Tomo have been freed from the "I can't believe it's not butter!", the gang incenerated what was left of the evil artificial product, and old China is back to normal…right?

In the palace…

Miaka: *gurgling noises form her tummy* Uh oh….ME HUNGRY!!! I DEMAND FOOD!!!! *waits for a response…not even another human breathing can be heard…* grrrrrr…*mumbles obscenities as she wobbles to the fridge* I wonder what's there to eat… *opens the fridge* EW! TUNA!. Let's see…milk, juice, fruit, ick! Healthy food is gross! Uh…cold soup, some sort of green sludge that's been here for weeks, old spaghetti…hmmm…HEY! What's this? *pushes some plastic-wrapped particle of food aside and pulls out a container reading it's label*"I can't believe it's not butter!"??? Where did this come form? *shrugs* Sounds good! I'll have some toast!

Uh oh…the saga continues…BWAHAHAHA!!!

So…the moral of the story? "I can't believe it's not butter!" will take over the world with the penguins and there's nothing you can do about it! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~

I hope you all enjoyed my fic…yes this is the end. Don't be sad!!! You know what will cheer you up? IF YOU REVIEW THIS STORY AND TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE IT!!!! It really makes me happy if you do! And making me happy should make you happy, right? So review with comments. CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, etc. Thanks for supporting this fic. JAA!


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